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I am an introverted exhibitionist. How does that even work? Took me some time to figure that out. Years. Decades. I had to start with self acceptance before I even got to practical details like finding a safe and enjoyable outlet. I hope to save you some time if this sounds like you at all.
I always knew I greatly enjoyed feeling desired. Feeling SEEN and desired. Doing something SEXY and feeling seen and desired by those watching. In my twenties, I would not have called it exhibitionism. I would not have dared to even fantasize, as I do now, of performing on stage with a partner at a BDSM club. (I fantasize, I don’t perform.)
There were some huge obstacles to expressing or even accepting my exhibitionism in my twenties. First, it was not safe for me to express it. It still isn’t, most of the time, with most people. I do NOT want unwanted sexual attention, I hate that. I do NOT want shaming. I do NOT want aggression. I got all of that, mostly from men and boys, but women could be cruel too. Women would shame other women, for stripping, for wearing something revealing while modeling, for singing about enjoying sex. So forget about doing something explicitly sexual in front of others when just singing about sex was shamed. Forget about expressing any kind of sexy anything when doing so was treated as invitation to aggression by boys and men. I am glad that is slowly starting to change. My beloved partner has always made me feel safe.
May all of us find someone (or someones) we feel safe with and respected by.
In my twenties, the closest I could come to anything that felt like sexual exhibition was joining the dance team. Dancing feels incredibly sexy to me. Any dancing. Doesn’t have to be pereo or tango. The waltz is hella sexy to me. Closeness to a partner, holding each other, moving together, looking at each other, being beautifully alluring together as others watch, fuuuuck yeah. I love it.
I would not have called hatay escort that sexual exhibitionism at the time for I had not had positive exposure to consensual exhibitionism. I had not seen exhibitionist behavior treated with respect. If it got called exhibitionism in my formative years, it was usually a man flashing people who didn’t consent to it. If a woman was called an exhibitionist, it was usually hurled as an insult at a strip club dancer or burlesque performer or a lingerie model. Well I can’t be one of *those*, right? They’re considered shameful. Took me years to purge myself of internalized hate for women’s sexuality and sexual agency.
May all of us who are sexual be respected, be given agency.
(Love and respect to ace folks. May you all be understood, respected, have agency.)
My partner of many years, since my early twenties, could have told you I was an exhibitionist. He always knew. He always accepted it without any trouble. He knew dance was very sexual for me, as was the gaze of the audience. He knew I enjoyed wearing sexually enticing clothing and being politely, non-aggressively, unintrusively admired by other men (or women). He knew that was sexual for me. I did not accept my exhibition desires until several years ago.
What helped me accept myself? Seeing positive representation. Reading about the lived experience of people who enjoyed what I enjoyed. Not just people, women specifically. Seeing people, seeing women being treated as artists, as performers, as teachers of sexuality. Seeing those women being treated with respect. Seeing *consensual* exhibitionism enthusiastically and joyfully received. I give much love and respect to the pole dancers, the strippers, the drag performers, the stars of burlesque, the BDSM teachers who publicly demonstrate their skill and art.
A sense of shame, a perception of exhibitionism as something inherently selfish, was one ığdır escort of the last obstacles I overcame. I always knew what *I* got out of exhibitionism, sexual gratification. I knew a willing audience enjoyed the show, they got sexual gratification too, but it still felt selfish to me. It was not until I understood that exhibitionism can be not only about basking in the adoration of the audience, not just about taking in that energy, but also about *giving* the audience joy and pleasure, that the shame went away. I am deeply grateful to those on Literotica who have shown me what it is to be a giving, generous exhibitionist. I am grateful to those who openly call themselves that.
May we all find self acceptance and a safe community to openly say who we are.
Finally, even after self acceptance, even after seeing the sheer beauty of this facet of human sexuality, I still faced a lack of opportunity for expressing it. For expressing it consensually and *safely*. Dance was an outlet for my exhibitionism for several years but due to moving and other demands on my time, that ended. I am in a deeply satisfying relationship but not one where a sexual display at a BDSM club is an option.
I am fortunate in my choice of partner. He is a great listener, very supportive, and willing to find mutually agreeable solutions to challenges. He is very concerned about finding a *safe* outlet for me. I want to have an outlet that respects his needs and boundaries. My partner and I are not wired the same. I am an exhibitionist (and kinky in other ways), he is not. That isn’t the impediment you might imagine because we are both very focused on each other’s pleasure, on caring for each other, on mutual respect, on connection and emotional safety.
After several good talks, we have found a delicious potential outlet for my exhibitionist cravings! I am so excited about it! Once we get safety concerns sorted out (and that ısparta escort could take quite some time), I plan to take some sexy photos and share them, hopefully on Literotica. Nudes, lingerie modeling, stripping for my viewers in a series of pictures, perhaps even photos with some free form poetry or affirmations? The very thought of even the possibility of doing this excites me tremendously. It feels so very liberating to be able to even consider this!
Did I mention I am an introvert? I did, and I am. Very much so. I very much want to display for others, but I need to know there will not be an expectation of more than that. There will not be an expectation of personal contact, of correspondence, certainly not sexual encounters. I need to know someone well before I even consider such things (and since I’m in a monogamous relationship, sexy play time will not be an option). Love and respect to those who want those things from Literotica, may you get them! For myself, I hope for someone to see my pictures, hopefully click like, perhaps leave an appreciative and respectful comment. And definitely to enjoy if what I make is to their taste!
I think I would greatly enjoy stripping and posing (and much, much more) for close friends, but they would have to be very close friends, and very trusted. I did mention I am an introvert, yes? Given the intersection of my and my partner’s boundaries, that is not in the cards. Not now, perhaps not ever. That is ok. I think sharing photos on Literotica will be more than enough when even the prospect of it gives me a thrill, gives me tremendous joy. If it comes to pass, and you come to look at what I offer, I wish you joy of it as well!
May all of us exhibitionists find a joyful and safe outlet, to receive, and to give!
I will be writing more in my sexual self discovery series, roughly in the order of my discoveries. If you read this far, I thank you for hearing me. If anything resonated with you, if anything at all helped you in any way, I am so glad.
I’ll be seeing you around Literotica. Maybe next year, some of you will be seeing much more of me! 😉
Be good to each other, lovely people. And if you don’t already, please love and accept yourself.
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